no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
