remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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