Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
