I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
