Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
