Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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