____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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