then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
