I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
