really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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