Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
