end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
