How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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