Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
