i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
