just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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