I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
