Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
