I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
