Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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