Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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