So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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