Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
