YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Randomize
