i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
