you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
