we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
