I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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