please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
