i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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