After last night, I could never be a politician.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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