If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
