I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
