Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
