the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Panties = found
Randomize
