Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
