have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
