The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
