i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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