ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
