Tell her she can't have a vagina
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
