Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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