so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
