allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
