Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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