So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
