Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
