it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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