I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
