wanna go halves on a baby?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
