dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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