worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
