we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
