i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
