We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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