There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
