I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
