okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
