He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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