Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
