I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
