Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The adults are the big ones right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
