I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Still dying that you shit outside
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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