you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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