i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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